A realization hit me recently - a common thread. Conservatism, at least that which is commonly seen in our country (if not in others) is completely saturated with victim blaming. Whether it’s someone being shot by the police, someone being sexually assaulted, or someone being abused by a significant other… in all of these cases, and likely others, they look to the person who was harmed as having brought the harm upon themselves.
Of the unarmed people being killed by officers - why weren’t they more obedient, more submissive? If they had done everything the officers had told them to do, that wouldn’t have happened.
Of the people being raped, groped, drugged, manhandled - why weren’t they hiding more of their bodies? What were they saying? What were they doing? If they had had a higher moral code, and if they hadn’t been tempting the men around them, that wouldn’t have happened.
Of the people in abusive relationships - in what ways were they inspiring the abuse? What buttons were they pushing? Were they being selfish? Difficult? Contrary? Not submissive enough? How did they fail to prevent it? If they had had a gentle, selfless spirit, they wouldn’t have been treated in those ways.
This mindset says “Clearly these people have made stupid decisions that we would never have made,” (we assume - never having lived a life other than our own), and then we decide that those things about us that are not like them impart greater value upon us. They mean that we truly do deserve better things than those who are “other.”
It was pointed out to me recently that in news stories of black people being shot or mistreated by officers, the phrase “he was no saint” is often used. What is implied by this? When discussing women who have been raped - her style of dress, whether she had been drinking, or her sexual history are often seen as relevant - relevant in helping us determine whether or how sorry we ought to feel for her. Just as when an unarmed black man standing ten feet from an officer is shot, that man’s legal record is somehow applicable. And these are situations that are almost exclusively happening to blacks and women.
Whether it is conscious or not, such people are seen (often, though not always, by conservatives) as “other.” They are seen to be intrinsically and therefore behaviorally disparate - doing things differently from what "we would have done" and therefore inviting those horrors upon themselves. - Those horrors that were willingly committed by people in full control of their actions.
“He was no saint.” “She was no saint.” You hear these phrases often enough, and you forget about the fact that not long ago, and through large portions of our history, black people, women, and other groups were specifically and academically viewed as less than - less than human, less intelligent, less evolved, of less value. Blacks and women were truly “not saints.” They were the “sinners” to the white male “saint.”
Ignorance inspires a fear of things that are different from oneself. Pride turns that fear into self-preservation. Selfishness turns that self-preservation in a drive to have more or better things than those who are different. And indifference takes that fear, self-preservation and selfish drive into a mentality that justifies things to which no person should be subject.
Essentially, victim-blaming means one of two things (or both) of the person espousing such views. Option 1 means that they don’t value people. If horrible things happening to humans is justifiable, it must mean that each person matters very little. Option 2 would be that they value others less than they value themselves. If it’s happening to someone else, well then, she/he must have done something to bring it upon herself/himself.
But if those victim-blaming people were the ones having guns pointed at them by law enforcement, being sexually assaulted, or being regularly throttled mentally, emotionally or physically by someone in their lives? Well, if Option 1 describes them, they may take it, feel like shit, and feel they must have done something to deserve it. If Option 2 - they would find themselves vehemently arguing that they should never have been subjected to said incident. And in that argument, they would either explain all of the ways in which their behavior did not merit such personal misuse, and in doing so, prove that what they truly believe is Option 1 (if being treated like shit can be justified by any behavior, then ultimately our intrinsic value is insignificant) or they will fall squarely on Option 2, proving that they are hypocritical and selfish.
Why do we look at anyone being mistreated and look for ways that it’s okay? Why shouldn’t every misuse of a person be outrageous? Must we use our moralizing as one more way to make others feel less than? Why justify the unjustifiable? Why don’t we all look at those who are hurting, who have been wronged (as we all have at one time or another) and look for ways to lift them up, to help them heal, and direct our lectures at those who are doing the harming?
Does the fact that you have never been raped mean that you’re less slutty than those who have (if you’re a woman)? Less weak (if you’re a man)? Does the fact that your spouse doesn’t mistreat you mean that you’re a nicer person than others? Does the fact that you can stand on a sidewalk without being yelled at by an officer mean that you’re a better citizen?
And the most ironic thing of it all is that many conservatives base their views on the Bible - on what they term “Christianity.” But if you look at all of Jesus’ teachings, nowhere does he justify ill treatment of a human - no matter what their preceding actions. He never taught that anyone is accountable for how other people treat them. He always taught that everyone is accountable for their own actions. If a person mistreated someone, he never tried to discern how the other person had inspired the mistreatment. He only looked at the person doing the harm. Even if all you do is internal - hating someone or being angry with someone - you are the one responsible for the fact that you responded that way. The liability of your attitude is completely yours. And if you kill someone, if you rape someone, if you molest someone, if you assault someone, if you berate someone, if you manipulate someone, if you harm someone in any way - the only person responsible is you. The only person who matters in any and all of your behavior is you.
If we ever want to live in a culture in which we take care of each other instead of taking from each other, in which we live gently instead of violently, we need to stop telling people they are responsible for how others treat them. We need to speak up against the subtle signs of latent or active sexism, racism, judgmentalism, etc. We need to reinforce the concepts that each of us is human - each of us deserves the same (we can't take it for granted that that is understood and believed just because it is 2015). And we need to begin telling everyone that they, and they alone, bear complete responsibility for how they treat every other person.
