Schizorelational Personality Disorder
The Need for a New Classification
Many people have tried to fit relationally abusive people into the box of one of the established personality disorders — usually either Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial (“Sociopathic”) Personality Disorder. However, neither of these completely fits with the patterns of relationally abusive people.
I suggest adding a new personality disorder: Abusive Personality Disorder, or Schizorelational Personality Disorder, which I will use interchangeably. It would be classified as a Cluster B personality disorder (dramatic and erratic) alongside Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. As with Antisocial Personality Disorder, Abusive PD would be considered volitional (i.e. behaviors done by choice), which makes it technically a character disorder.
The Name
The prefix “schizo” means a “split” and is carried by two other diagnosable personality disorders (Schizoid and Schizotypal).
In Schizorelational PD, the split can be seen in the following ways:
- A split between how they behave when alone with a partner and how they behave in public, with a more positive public persona and then harsh or aloof behavior when in private.
- A split between how they behave toward their partner and how they treat others, behaving more unkind, intimidating and unpredictable toward their partner.
- A split between how they present themselves in early stages of a relationship and how they behave in the long-term, which sees a marked increase in disrespect and controlling attitudes.
- A split between how they actually feel toward their partner (negatively) and how they want their partner to believe they feel toward them (positively).
Compared to Antisocial Personality Disorder
People with Antisocial Personality Disorder can be abusive, but unlike antisocial people, schizorelational people often do have consciences. They generally lack empathy or feelings of guilt within their abusive relationship, but otherwise they can still feel guilty and have empathy for others. While antisocial people generally display a failure to respond to social norms, schizorelational people often blend in seamlessly with society — in their jobs, churches and communities. The difference in both of these points is seen in the fact that schizorelational people often look for reasons to justify their behavior. They make excuses, try to blame others for inappropriate behavior when it is found out, or in some other way try to cover it up. Someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder would generally do whatever they felt like doing regardless of how it affected anyone. They would not look for ways to justify their behavior, because they view how anyone else may perceive them to be irrelevant — unless of course they needed to use or manipulate that person, and would then use charm or tailored arguments to that end.
Those with Antisocial PD can also display a reckless disregard for their own safety*, which is certainly not an identifying characteristic of Abusive PD. Antisocial people also often engage in a series of short, intense relationships, while schizorelational people tend to have longer term relationships, which we will examine later. Also missing is the antisocial person's failure to sustain consistent work behavior*, and the frequent presence of criminal records. Again, this can be seen in schizorelational people, as many personality disorders overlap, but as was already mentioned, schizorelational people are often highly functioning members of society, and unidentifiable to anyone not involved in the intimate relationship wherein the abuse is perpetrated.
Compared to Narcissistic Personality Disorder
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are often known most for their “grandiosity,” which is something that can be entirely absent in people with Abusive Personality Disorder. Some relational abusers can even be very meek and understated. Schizorelational people may even present themselves as inordinately pathetic or to be pitied, or they may execute their abuse with such subtlety that their aims are very difficult to detect. It is often only in the schizorelational person's most intimate relationships that their symptoms are displayed, which can make it difficult, even impossible, to identify from the outside. So while grandiosity can be seen in people with Abusive Personality Disorder, it is not characteristic.
Narcissism can also be defined as an exaggerated sense of self importance**. While people with Abusive PD do tend to be demanding in one way or another, they may also seem to have an average or below average level of ego, and can present as very straightforward or even simple. Narcissists also display a lack of social inhibition, which, as was previously discussed, is certainly not characteristic of Abusive PD, although it can be present.
Characteristics of narcissistic people also include “a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love,” “a belief that he is special and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high status people,” and “envy of others or belief that others are envious of him”** (DMS-IV). None of these are especially characteristic of Abusive Personality Disorder.
The DSM-IV also states that narcissists are rarely self-harming, but relational abusers are often known to, if not actually harm themselves, threaten to harm themselves, which is a trait more in line with Borderline Personality Disorder. In an opposite swing from Antisocial PD, those with Narcissistic PD are said to be generally unwilling to resort to physical violence** or to commit crimes, which could be true of an individual with Abusive PD, but many schizorelational people are known to resort to violence, generally with precision methods, to further sharpen their control over the recipient of their abuse. Narcissists are further described as often being averse to physical contact with others, which may or may not be the case in Abusive PD. It would be possible for a person to have both Narcissistic PD and Schizorelational PD, but one could also be schizorelational while not fitting the clinical definition of narcissism.
There has been a move recently to characterize Narcissistic Personality Disorder as more similar to what could be titled Schizorelational Personality Disorder, although I believe it would be much more precise to add the new classification of Schizorelational Personality Disorder and keep the original definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, rather than stretching the borders of Narcissistic PD to encompass Abusive PD.
How Does Someone Become Schizorelational
It is unclear exactly how relationally abusive people become so or at what point it becomes part of their character. Many abusers experience fear, trauma or abuse at some point during development, but there are many people with relatively healthy childhoods and nurturing parents who still become schizorelational.
As with all personality disorders, Schizorelational Personality Disorder is considered incurable, and is generally with someone for life. Psychologists who have studied abusive people have found this to be the case (Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is a great resource). Rarely do those who work with abusers with the aim of resolving the abuse find that such people desire to change or ever truly do so. And as with other recognized personality disorders, there can be overlap between two or more personality disorders. Common concurrent personality disorders to Abusive PD would include: Paranoid, Antisocial, Narcissistic and Anankastic, among others. And as with other Cluster B personality disorders, relationally abusive people are those it would be wisest to avoid in intimate relationships.
A Description
Unlike most personality disorders, Abusive Personality Disorder is seen primarily, or only, within the context of certain relationships. Schizorelational people are usually serial monogamists. Someone with Abusive PD could have been with the same person from the time they were a teenager until old age, and could have abused that partner throughout all or part of their relationship. Or they could be in one relationship after another, but they are often monogamous relationships (or they will at least convince their partner that the relationship is monogamous), because the desire is for the relationship itself, in which they can exert their will, power, control and whims onto the other party. As with any ‘craft,’ the longer one ‘works’ at a certain project, the more finely honed it becomes. So it is with relationally abusive people. They spend years honing, sculpting, and forming the relationship into whichever twisted mixed bag best suits them. There is a wide spectrum of types of relationally abusive behavior, from sexual abuse to financial abuse to spiritual abuse to verbal (mental and emotional) abuse (which has been examined thoughtfully by Patricia Evans in The Verbally Abusive Relationship). Abusive relationships vary wildly, each with their own specific types of common abuse, but the underlying tactics and goals are always the same. This has been studied and tracked at length, although perhaps less clinically than other personality disorders and mental illnesses. The same attitudes and behaviors can be found in relationally abusive people across the board. And the recipients of said abuse often find huge amounts of commonality when they meet other recipients of abuse with whom to compare notes. This makes Abusive Personality Disorder ripe and ready to be categorized, studied and pathologized, which I believe will only help the human cause. The more people can be made aware of the signs, characteristics and tactics of relationally abusive people, the easier such people will be to identify. This will also hopefully decrease the success of gaslighting, blaming and other abusive behaviors perpetrated by schizorelational people. When all people learn how to identify relationally abusive personalities, the easier they will be to avoid. This is crucial socially as well as in business, religion and politics. Relationally abusive people are always seeking power over, either in the small sphere of an apartment, or in a much larger sphere, such as government. Such people cannot be trusted to put the needs of others before their own.
It is important to state that schizorelational people can also choose targets for their abuse other than an intimate partner. Their abuse can be perpetrated against one’s child (young or grown), or perpetrated by a child (young or grown) against one’s parent, as well as by bosses onto employees, spiritual leaders or mentors onto those they lead, or with a friendship. Generally speaking, though, if a schizorelational person is in an intimate relationship, they will most certainly be abusive toward their partner in some way.
It is also important to note that people with Abusive PD are unlikely to be the one ending an intimate relationship. Generally in abusive intimate relationships, the recipient of the abuse is the one who eventually leaves. This usually first requires that the abuse recipient recognize the dynamics of the relationship they had not fully identified previously. One of the most insidious aspects of a relationship with a schizorelational person is the fact that the destructive tendencies of the abusive person are often labeled as relationship issues, communication issues, or something else that was either mutually caused, or could be mutually resolved. This is, of course, not the case. Someone who does not suffer from Schizorelational PD is as unable to change the abusive person as they would be to change any other personality disorder.
Characteristics
My aim is not to detail the requisite characteristics of Abusive Personality Disorder, but to argue that a separate category in modern psychology and medicine would be useful and would aid in a more precise delineation of personality disorders.
However, below is a list of possible criteria:
1. Desire to have power over their intimate partner, and attempting to control certain aspects of their partner's life or self: what they wear, what they say, what they think, what they feel, their tone of voice, their facial expressions, their friendships, their activities, their finances, their spiritual life, etc.
2. Lacking a healthy level of empathy for the person they abuse
2. Lacking a healthy level of empathy for the person they abuse
3. Intentionally using irrational communication patterns, such as blame shifting, topic diverting or feigning a lack of understanding, which prevent healthy communication
4. Speaking unkindly toward their partner with intent to harm or confuse
5. Inability to receive contradiction, refusal or criticism from their partner
6. Deliberately withholding affection and approval from their intimate partner, or undermining the efforts of their partner
7. Increasing unkind behavior to 'punish' their partner when displeased
6. Deliberately withholding affection and approval from their intimate partner, or undermining the efforts of their partner
7. Increasing unkind behavior to 'punish' their partner when displeased
8. Refusing to take responsibility for their own actions, behaviors or attitudes
9. Failing to cease damaging behaviors or attitudes directed at their partner, despite occasional breaks in said behavior
10. Trying to in some way prevent the abused person from leaving the relationship
11. Attempting to skew other people's opinions against their former partner
11. Attempting to skew other people's opinions against their former partner
For more information, see:
Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft
The Verbally Abusive Relationship, by Patricia Evans
* http://psychnews.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/pn.39.1.0025a
** http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201205/the-10-personality-disorders
